Hidden Wounds

Finally a chapter that spoke directly to me. While I haven't completed chapter six yet (about half way through), I've read some of the posts on the chapter from other members of the study. Initially when I started this chapter, I believed that I didn't have any unhealed wounds. Through the posts I read, however, God revealed to me a wound that has yet to be healed that I have been hiding from Him and myself for awhile.

I don't want to get too personal on this or too specific (because I am not entirely sure who reads this blog), but years ago I was deeply hurt by someone who was close to me. Words were said to me that could never be taken back and I felt my heart harden towards this person. Apologies were made to me and though I believed I had forgiven this person, it has been evident over the years that I have not.

We are nice to one another. I do care about this person and I hope this person cares for me as well, but there is this wall that remains between us. I still remember those words that were spoken and some of the other hurtful actions that followed. I wanted to forgive, but I continued to hold on to the hurt and pain that had been caused to me.

I don't know how to let it go. Or at least, may I didn't until now. Chapter six seems to go into how we can heal those wounds (I'll post more about the chapter and how I think it will affect this relationship and my feelings). I want to forgive. I want to forget. I want to soften my heart and tear down that wall so that I can develop a relationship with this person in the way that the Lord desires. Oh, how I wish for God to heal this wound. To bind it up so that it no longer aches and bleeds; and to remove any scars, so there is no trace of its occurrence.

I am so thankful for the uncovering of this wound and I pray that it will heal properly, now that it has been brought to the surface.