More to Give

Have any of you ever had a friendship/relationship with someone where you felt like you were the one trying so hard to make it work, but there was no reciprocation?

That's how I've been feeling with someone in my life lately. I try to give more and more of myself for even an ounce of consideration, and often, I come back empty. And it weighs on my heart and my mind, because this person is very special to me. I want to be met half way - heck! I'm even willing to go 2/3s of the way, 3/4s even... but I just long for the feeling of being met part of the way... you know what I mean? And every time I want to give up on this person, I feel God nudge me and say, "Just a little more. You've got more than that to give."

But it aches and it is a strain... but I'm still stretching myself out to meet her somewhere closer to her end, in the hopes that someday, she'll meet me right in the middle.

And isn't that how it is with God sometimes? I'm sure there have been so many times when He has wanted me to meet him a little closer to His side of things. Yet, I know that He often meets me much closer to my own side, 2/3s, 3/4s... when really I should be running to Him every time. In fact, I should never be leaving His side. And I wonder if His heart ached the way mine does now? I bet it did. And that realization tonight made me break down and cry. If I had only known what I feel now, during those times when I didn't give more of myself to Him. So maybe this is a little lessen I'm learning from Him, through this other relationship. And won't it feel amazing when she finally meets me in the middle? I am SO looking forward to that.

So in the meantime, I'll give a little more and even walk over and give her my hand in friendship. That's really all I want to do this very moment... is walk over to her and give her the biggest hug and not let go for a long time. But I think it would kill me right now if she pushed me away... so I'll wait a little longer... this month at school is not a month where I need any emotional heartache..

Potluck!

That WAS going to be the title of today's post, since that is what I'm doing tonight. But unfortunately for little ol' me, somehow blogger managed to DELETE the entire post before I posted it. I am unimpressed. And now, I am not feeling nearly as witty as I was about 15 minutes ago when I started that post. So now you are all stuck with un-witty Courtney.

Tonight I feast at Lee-Ann's with the girls. That's right - Girl's Night IN! There will be food. There will be drinks. There will be much merriment. And... there will be complaining and gossip.

That's exactly what happens when 8 law school girls get together for an evening together. The conversation inevitably turns to the internal politics and inner workings of the school and what happens behind its brick walls. Sure, every law school holds itself out to be an institution of higher learning, but any truthful and honest law student will admit that law school is really just a repeat of high school. The same drama from high school persists in law school, but in a more clever way (since it IS law school).

My law school has about 480 students in total. Smaller than the majority of high schools. In first year, students are put into small groups and have all of their classes in that group of 20, and are also in larger groups mixed with other small groups. So, everyone pretty much knows everyone else. We even get lockers, and the "first years" have to share, just like the grade 9s, or freshman, as they call it in the States.

Within the first couple of weeks of school, students tend to set themselves up with the reputation they will have for the next three years. I'm not really sure what mine is.... blonde, married and hyper probably. Married is important, because that means I'm off limits to guys, not looking for a boyfriend, but also safe for guys to talk to (because I won't automatically think that they want to makeout with me and I won't want to makeout with them).

Coming to law school "single" or "taken" also carries importance. Remember, most of these people have already completed 4 years of an undergraduate degree, after their high school diplomas. Some people have worked for several years and then go on to law school. In the minds of many, the three years of law school may be the last chance at finding a "life-partner". Apparently, it is a lot harder to find a boyfriend/girlfriend out there in the "career world". So it is not uncommon to see hook-ups between law students. I, myself, feel quite fortunate to have come to school with a fiance, because in my humble opinion, law school has pretty slim pickings. Nice people, smart people, fun people, but finding a man that I would want to spend the rest of my life with at this place would NOT have been an easy task. But I'm talking about for myself... many people have found love at school, and it is so sweet and nice to watch the relationships bloom. Then the couple becomes what is known as a "law school power couple". Whatever that means.

So, as you can see, the study of law involves prima facie (latin for: on its face) many things: Reading. Studying. Researching. Writing. But behind that facade, there is an entirely different dimension.

And in closing. The title of the post was really quite deceiving, wasn't it - because this post wasn't really about the potluck at all. Was it?

Jury Duty?!

I would like to start off this post with a gentle reminder to mother nature that winter does NOT begin for another month. So if she could kindly turn off the snow machine, that would be great!

Last week I received a notice in the mail that I have been randomly selected for jury duty. As a result, I was required to fill in an information form and mail it back within five days of receiving the intial letter. I am still waiting to hear a reply from them on how this is all going to work out. I was quite perturbed about this notice in the mail. First off, as a student, there is absolutely no way that I have time to sit in a jury box for even a couple of days. Time is precious folks, especially when you are paying over $10,000 a year for your courses. Secondly, what if I am selected for a trial that lasts for months and months or even years. I am pretty familiar with the criminal justice system, especially considering that I worked for the provincial prosecutor's office this past summer. If I am selected for something that is going to take a long time, I could miss the second half of my school year, or even worse, I could be living in Toronto and serving jury duty in London (2 1/2 hours away). Clearly not an ideal situation.

My parents and friends have assured me that the lawyers involved in selecting would be absolutely foolish to pick me, since I am not only attending law school, but am also going to be working for the Crown. In fact, it could be argued that it is a conflict on interest. So I am praying, that I am not stuck in that jury box for more than a day. However, it was brought to my attention that having such expertise could provide me with a little more power than the average folk in the box. Think about it. Every jury needs a foreman (or woman ... rather "person" for you feminists). With my special skillz and knowledge, I would be the perfect candidate. I've always loved being in control and that could be mighty fun. So if I do get on a jury, they had better watch out, because I intend to nominate myself foreman and I will run that show!

Turning 25...

Today is exactly one month to my 25th birthday.

I remember when I was 16 and wanted to be 25 so badly. I thought that if I was 25 things would be just perfect, and while, life is pretty great, I would love to tell my younger self to hold onto being young for just a little longer. Being 25 and also being married brings many responsibilities and obligations that I wish I could have put off a little longer. Two of these things include:

1) cooking - My mom did most of the cooking in our house when we were growing up. As a stay at home mom, she was always around for dinner, or would at least leave us money for pizza or Swiss Chalet. As a result, however, I never really learned how to cook. Most people know that I do not enjoy cooking. James is a MUCH better cook than I will ever be, or than I will ever aspire to be. I just have no motivation to do it. Why cook a fabulous dinner for this party of one, when I could make toast and a cup of tea in about 30 seconds? Seems like a bit of a waste of time to me.

2) paying bills - Actually, paying for anything just plain sucks... it was so much easier when I could just beg mom and dad for a new pair of jeans or shoes. Now I have to go through James, who has definitely inherited his father's frugalness.

On the bright side, I did learn today that being on the fringe of becoming 25 does have its perks. I was told to call my car insurance company a month before turning 25 because it means that my rate will go down. I have been waiting for James to get home from the city and remembered that I still needed to call. This wonderful man informed me that next month, our monthly car insurance rate will be lowered $50! I was thrilled and called James right away. He sounded excited, but couldn't figure out exactly what I was screaming about.

So... maybe I was a little over excited... but if you think about it, that is $600 a year! I couldn't be happier!

Time for an Intervention?

Okay, I'll admit it... I was thrilled to see THREE comments on that post I left the other day! It made my day... however, it is almost 1am... so maybe it made my morning?! But then it got me thinking, does this mean I should start blogging more frequently? I do enjoy blogging, but I often question my motives behind it all - am I doing it for me or for others? I think it is a mix of the two.

James comes home tomorrow. I will be relieved to have him home. The apartment only feels like a home when he is in it with me. Otherwise, it is just a place where I sleep (restlessly), eat (poorly), study (with too many distractions) and watch television (ie: the distractions).

I have realized this year, that I have a TV addict. I think I might need an intervention. This realization came to me just other day. I don't know if it was the fact that my new PVR (like TiVo) had run out of space to record more shows or the fact that I currently follow about 14 shows. Yes, 14. Each an hour long. Now... because PVR allows me to fast-forward through the commercials, that means the shows are between about 40-45 minutes each. But that is still quite a lot of television. I may be ill.

And then thing is, EVERY night, I tell myself that I am going to just watch the shows on the weekend or save them up on PVR and record them onto VHS for later viewing. This would make sense because then I could view the shows when I actually have time - ie: a time when I don't have 2 midterms to study for and THREE papers to write.

But my addictive personality won't let me go 24 hours without catching up with that cute little Japanese guy from Heroes, or gazing dreamily at Wentworth Miller on Prison Break. And now that What About Brian? is back on, I need to know if the wedding is truly off and whether Brian will end up with Marjorie. And while I've heard good things about Entourage, I have a feeling that this is one show that I could end up ditching... I could never, however, miss the antics of Lorelai and Rory, or the cattiness of the girls on ANTM. And I'm always on the edge of my seat with Lost - what is going to happen to Kate, Sawyer and Jack with the others, and will Mr. Echo ever wake up? And just who is that sneaky black guy on Jericho?

As for Survivor, well... I don't really watch that, I just talk over it with the girls from school who come over on Thursday nights to "watch Survivor" (read: talk about school and ANTM). Then when they leave, I throw on Ugly Betty and Grey's.

Friday and Saturday nights I take a break and spend some time with my loving husband, home from the "big city". We do things that normal people do, like go out and socialize with other people. But deep down inside, I'm waiting for Sunday night, when we catch Studio 60 at 7pm from the East coast. James will actually watch this show with me, he's not a junkie AT ALL. Then, we may watch Amazing Race together until 9 and then James goes to bed (because he has to wake up Monday mornings at 4:30am to drive back to the "big city") and I stay up and tune into the girls on Wisteria Lane.

And then my rotation starts all over again.

I think I need an intervention.... maybe I should go on Oprah (which, by the way, I also watch once in awhile). :)

Who Are Y'all?

I think it is funny that I haven't updated my blog in a few months now, and yet, my visitor meter continues to rise. Who are all you people dropping in/checking in on me? I'd love to hear from you. I have to admit, that sometimes it does get a bit disheartening not to receive any comments, though during that Bible study I got more traffic through here. But we were encouraged to comment on one another's posts, so that is different!

Who am I anyway to deserve comments? It's not like I even blog very often!

I know for sure that my Aunt Cath drops in to check in and Mel does too, even though she has NEVER commented.

I'd love to know who is out there, if you care to share.

Free Hugs Campaign. Inspiring Story!

Call me sappy - but I thought this video was one of those most inspiring and beautiful things I have seen in a long time. Definitely made my day.