Tuesday, October 31, 2006

More to Give

Have any of you ever had a friendship/relationship with someone where you felt like you were the one trying so hard to make it work, but there was no reciprocation?

That's how I've been feeling with someone in my life lately. I try to give more and more of myself for even an ounce of consideration, and often, I come back empty. And it weighs on my heart and my mind, because this person is very special to me. I want to be met half way - heck! I'm even willing to go 2/3s of the way, 3/4s even... but I just long for the feeling of being met part of the way... you know what I mean? And every time I want to give up on this person, I feel God nudge me and say, "Just a little more. You've got more than that to give."

But it aches and it is a strain... but I'm still stretching myself out to meet her somewhere closer to her end, in the hopes that someday, she'll meet me right in the middle.

And isn't that how it is with God sometimes? I'm sure there have been so many times when He has wanted me to meet him a little closer to His side of things. Yet, I know that He often meets me much closer to my own side, 2/3s, 3/4s... when really I should be running to Him every time. In fact, I should never be leaving His side. And I wonder if His heart ached the way mine does now? I bet it did. And that realization tonight made me break down and cry. If I had only known what I feel now, during those times when I didn't give more of myself to Him. So maybe this is a little lessen I'm learning from Him, through this other relationship. And won't it feel amazing when she finally meets me in the middle? I am SO looking forward to that.

So in the meantime, I'll give a little more and even walk over and give her my hand in friendship. That's really all I want to do this very moment... is walk over to her and give her the biggest hug and not let go for a long time. But I think it would kill me right now if she pushed me away... so I'll wait a little longer... this month at school is not a month where I need any emotional heartache..


Courtney @ 11:25 PM

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